Beginnings

It has been a year since I left Greeley and moved back to Arvada. I guess the good news is that I get 40 hours/week, I'm working at the Arvada Center, and that I'm at least beginning to "start" this adventure called life.

The bad news is that said adventure is met with a lot of uncertainty about where my life will take me, fear about not using my abilities to their fullest potential, and whether I'll ever move out.

We'll start with the good

I love working at the Arvada Center. While it isn't EXACTLY what I want to do with my life, it is a beginning. A start. If nothing else, I get to go see theatre for free. Besides that, I'm surrounded by art and people that have a passion for art.

Next, I'm growing my hair out. I would like to take this time to mourn for the suffering my hair has endured over the last year


God I'm sorry hair. Chopping it off and dying it blonde ranks as one of the worst fashion decisions of my life. If it is any consolation, I was playing the ugly card in the acting program during that time.


Hair as of now:


Lastly, with working so much, I will be able to afford to take some trips. Which is awesome since that is what I initially wanted to do after graduating. I've been looking into going on a group trip. My mom informed me of a Haiti mission trip. Also a Russia trip that friends of hers do every year. Definitely something I am interested in.


Now for the Uncertainty:

Other than travel, I don't really feel like I have anything to work FOR. I don't have a mortgage, a family, or debt. I have plenty of passions and talents, but I have yet to discover just HOW to use them. Plenty of people seek only money. Others seek glory or power with their work. Others still just pursue things they love. I, like most I would say, seek fulfillment. And thus far, I don't feel like I have EVER felt that way. That says a lot coming from a double major. An exclusive acting program. Dean's List. Academic Achievement. Scholarships. And so on and so fourth.

BTW: I have just as many failures. Try getting rejected a billion/zillion times in said acting program. Plenty of sucky scene work. Sucky auditions. Ect.

Anyhoo....I think it first hit me back in 2008. I was working in Picnic and was so happy because I had worked so hard to get it and was doing exactly what I loved. But at the same time, it struck me: I couldn't do this with the rest of my life. Because while it felt so great, it also felt so incredibly empty.

So I gave it up.

I was thinking about it the other night. How we kind of drive our lives. But aren't our lives supposed to drive us just the same? And if that's true, why do I constantly feel like I'm stuck in neutral????