Rollercoasters

When studying fiction, characters are revealed by a number of factors:
+Symbols
+actions
+What the character says about himself
+What other characters say about him

I am not alone in the quest of "finding myself." I believe it is something that we all have to do at one point or another. Me being a literary person, I often soul search by using these literary tools.

I believe my symbol is the rollercoaster. When I was young, I loved going to amusement parks (btw: I still love going to amusement parks.) I enjoy the most thrilling rides. The ones with the loop-de-loops, the towers that drop from hundreds of feet, the ones that flip you upside down and run backwards. The ones where you are on such a steep drop, you can't see what's waiting for you when they pull the lever. In other words: Anything scary and thrilling. The ones where you must face the "unknown." Tellingly, the "safe" rides make me sick. Don't put me on the swings, or the teacups....I will likely throw up.

In decoding the puzzle that is "self" I can't help but parallel this need for thrilling rides with need for a thrilling life. I need to know that I will be inched up at a slow and steady pace, before getting a bird's eye view of what's below me, and then dropped with sudden speed, without notice. I need to be sent through loop-de-loops, places where I don't know what is up from down. I need to be at the top of a U shaped drop, sitting on a mat, not knowing what I'm in for because I can't see what's ahead for me.

Of course eventually, I will get off the ride complete with exhilaration. Did I mention that I go to amusement parks with my best friends? Because when I get off, we laugh until our stomachs hurt. Because we know we just had the time of our lives.
I'm going to California at the end of January. I can't wait.

Bucket List

Travel is wonderful. I wish I could spend all my time travelling. It isn't even necessarily the destination that concerns me, it is simply the act. I love going to new places and trying to figure out how things/people work in strange and foreign environments. There are so many new things to learn when you travel. So many things to see, hear, witness. I love going from place to place, never having a home. Simply acting as a loan wanderer on the next adventure to who knows what.

I suppose travel satisfies some need in me to feel new. New places, people, things. Change. It is my greatest friend, but unfortunately, a friend that I don't see often enough...



Things on the bucket list that I have done
+Go skydiving
+Run a 5K
+Act in a play as someone truly inspirational (For me, this was Millie in Picnic)
+Work at a theatre (I will count both Vintage and Arvada Center in this list)
+Write something wonderful

Things yet to do
+Write a full-length something (play, book, ect...)
+Travel to distant lands and take loads of pictures and meet lots of people
+Help places and people in need with hands-on work
+Find a place to call home
+Marry a man who loves God
+Become financially stable and independent
+Have a good job


That's all I can think of for now...

Reasons why I am crazy PART UNO

 A writer writes what he knows. This is what I know: I am absolutely crazy, which is probably the reason my life parallels some sort of absurdist play. Thus I bring to you Reasons why I am crazy PART UNO:

 1. About two weeks ago, I came home from a long day of work and utterly convinced myself that I was going to die from skin cancer in the immediate future. I googled stage four melanoma. I sat examining my body for oddly shaped moles. I lay in bed tossing and turning over the list of all the times I had ever been sunburned. WHY did I let myself get so tan in Mexico, I demanded of myself. Why did I not bathe in SPF 50 daily? Why had I let myself become so susceptible to such a grotesque and ugly disease? Whether my worry was unfounded or not has no matter. I do have rather fair skin and melanoma is one of the most common cancers among adults. What is crazy is that I woke up the next morning completely unconcerned about the matter and went about my day.


2. I am completely unsatisfied with everything that I do. If I am working, I wish I had a day off. When I have a day off, I think my time would better be spent working. If I'm with friends, I wish I were alone. When I'm alone, I wonder why I don't go out more. You can see what a dangerous and difficult cycle this is. Thus, the absurdity.

3. When I am particularly annoyed with the way my life is going, I always imagine that I am going to move to some exotic and exciting place within the year. Or that I'll invent something. Or that I'll finally finish that novel. Or that I'll fall in love one day, and none of this will even matter then.

4. Speaking of over active imaginations, here's another story. My freshman year of college, I had to perform a monologue as a final assignment that determined whether I would be allowed back to the acting program for another semester. I rehearsed the crap out of that thing, wondering if my inflictions were right, making sure I wouldn't trip in my heels as I walked into the room, mulling over the monologue selection itself. Then I thought, what if, while I'm performing my monologue, someone shoots a gun at the window? Should I just go on with my monologue? Should I duck?  Or run from the room? What if I hit the floor and land on a piece of glass? Would they make me do my monologue again? "Calm down, Anna," I had to assure myself. Nobody is going to shoot a gun through the window. And if they do, just act like how a normal person would act if a gun were being shot at them....

Thus concludes Reasons why I am crazy Part UNO. Look out for Part II. 

Fast Food Nation

It is true that our country has an obesity problem and everybody seems to have a quick solution. Diet pills, tummy wrapping, liposuction. But perhaps our problems go alot deeper than food. How can they not, when our lives have become like fast food.

Never talk to someone longer than it takes than to figure out what they want. Give the customer what they want, whatever they want. Give them a product that looks great on the outside, but contains no real substance when you really get inside of it. Get in. Get out.

Is this not how we sometimes treat our relationships? Our money? Our religions? Our selves? Life is not a burger joint. If you really want to get to the heart of the problem, you have to be willing to cut out the fat.

The near-life experience

Congratulations "You just had yourself a near-life experience, fellas."--Tyler Durden, Fight Club.